A quest for meaning, a search for answers, the pursuit of life, beauty and humanity in an inhumane world. *Edit* Do no Harm.
As time draws on my thoughts become more scattered. I find myself more and more distracted with anything other than doing real work of any kind, whether that be so called work work, writing in this blog or even doing anything else that I am responsible for or a course of action I have wanted to pursue. It is very distressing yet I can't help myself. It has taken a whole weekend and a slew of internal excuses for me to even update this blog. I'm sick. I hurt my back on Saturday. The world is getting more and more messed up. Apparently, the internet isn't fostering democracy and freedom as many of us geeks had hoped. Perhaps all of these excuses are a smoke screen for the one thing I'm afraid to admit to myself: I'm a fraud who doesn't really know what he's talking about.
Let me be blunt. I'm neither a philosopher nor a political scientist. My education was in computer engineering and I have never read any classical philosophy texts. In fact, the only exposure I've had to philosophy was in the reading of
You can also take a look at my religious experience. I was a christian, baptized and everything, but then my family stopped attending church when I was pretty young. I've never read the Bible nor the Quran. I know bits and pieces yet never having read the full texts of either I am hardly a capable voice to criticize or condemn either material. All of my thoughts on these religions are based on what I can observe from the practioners of those religions, and although my exposure to Muslims has really only been of the online variety, I feel that this is perhaps a pretty good representation of that faith. Likewise for Christians, of course. Again, do I have any right to condemn these religions based on my own, limited knowledge?
Finally in the realm of political science I am perhaps the most naive. I haven't even read any classical political text. All I know is again from what I see, whether that be on the Internet or on the TV, again it is all non-standard. How can I even dream of new political systems if I have no tutelage or experience in classical political systems?
So here I am, yet another blogger in a sea of bloggers, an inflated sense of self importance dwindling with the dawning realization that I am no more than any other out there. The blogging power pyramid has been established, there is no more room at the top. With my dreams of glory fading, is there any reason to continue? If my voice does not reach the masses should I continue to shout? Do I even have a right, if I have no record or background to rely on?
So I wonder, I wait, I despair at my fate. I avoid work, avoid decisions, avoid life. I am weak, weaker than any person you will ever know. This is a truth. My will is low, very low. What I say and what I do are often different things. Sometimes I cannot look at myself, sometimes I am fascinated by the creature I see staring back at me in the mirror. Sometimes I wonder if I'm even human.
At the end of February I participated in some digital disobedience regarding Grey Tuesday, where an album remixing the Beatles White album with Jay-Zs Black album was illegally hosted for download despite the threats from EMI (the holder of the White album copyright). Well, the good people at downhillbattle.org (who organized the original protest) have launched a new service called BannedMusic.org which hosts other disputed 'illegal' material.
I for one applaud their digital dissobedience as the current system is in need of radical change and only radical actions will bring the inequities therein to light. What inequities? Music is constantly changing, remixing and sampling are the new expression of creativity. You might argue that remixing is in fact not creating something, just 'stealing' someone else's material to make something else, but in fact the art of sampling creates a whole new form of music that in many ways surpasses the original. If nothing else you should download the Grey Album to hear what I'm talking about. It's stunningly original and quite a piece of musical wonder.
So check it out, download some of the albums (they've integrated bitTorrent - schweet!) and protest our current laws! Change is a Good Thing.
Courtesy of spurl, I found this link of 15 Answers to Creationist Nonsense. This is what I would consider a definitative list of the major arguments and subsequent refutations of creationists in their battle against logic and rationality. Bookmark this. Keep it handy every time you approach a creationist. This knowledge and our common usage of it are the only things that can beat the black beast that is creationism into submission and back into the primitive subconscious from which it arose. If there is one dividing line between people, this is it - the assertion that we are divinely created, that we are too complex to have evolved without some intelligent design. To me, if you don't believe in evolution as a fact then you are a luddite. Your perception of the world is irrelevant because it is tainted with a colossal misunderstanding that is absolutely fundamental to the appreciation of the human experience that is our life. Understand it, appreciate it, welcome it or be damned in my eyes.
(This is a rehash of a comment I made in my lame lame lame rant. Wally felt it was post worthy.)
I think it's a given at this point in time to believe that everyone has their own unique point of view in this world, and that they are going to try their hardest to align your perception with theirs, as that seems to be a trait that humanity shares in common. If everyone has a unique perception then that must mean that we all have relative perceptions to each other. The problem with being introduced to all of these relative perceptions is that there is never any Truth, it's all variations of the Truth. Does that make our goals in life to piece together as many shards of true perception to complete oneself? Or is that a misnomer, oneself. One - the great divide between Eastern and Western Philosophy. Bhuddism teaches us that we are all one, that there is no self, that the Universe is an interconnected complete network. Christianity and Islam tell us that we are individuals who will burn in hell or bum around in heaven. There's still the element of continuing consciousness, eternal perception.
I think we are all individuals who exist within a complete network. Our pattern is unique to our self, but our value choices affect other patterns. Every decision we make opens up a new path and closes off another. The key to happiness is choosing the path which is of highest Quality to yourself and to the other patterns around you. Remember now that every action you take affects the paths and opportunities of the people you surround yourself with.
I think Karma is a manifestation of this philosophy. Karma tells us that making value choices of highest Quality to you and the patterns around you will result in opportunities and paths opening up that are enjoyable and positive paths to take. I think this is a good Second Rule, choose the path of highest Quality. How then do you determine Quality?
Quality is the subject of Robert M. Pirsig most famous book, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. He talks in great detail about the nature of Quality and how it's such a unique value choice. This is the subject of his second book, Lila : An Inquiry Into Mortals. At the root of Morals lie value choices. Morals are just convergent memes, sets of value choices that groups of individuals have commonality with. Morals are basically an abstract entity created out of complex interactions of value choices between people in our interconnected society. In a sense, I believe we create our own Gods. Although this manifestation may not necessarily have 'Godlike' powers, it is powerful because as a representation of the strongest belief it can sway those that allow others to make decisions for them. This is incredibly powerful in our democratic system. When manifestations of that power only choose value paths which result in immediate satisfaction then we forsake our future generations whos well being depends on the choices we make today. Is it always better to burn up rather than to fade away? I don't think so.
You see, existence as we have know it is a treat. It's a marvel of perceptive sensations that we can explore and appreciate. There are so many aspects of life we can enjoy if we allow ourselfs time for a little self-indulgence. The problems occur when there's too much self-indulgence. It is a balance, but along with indulgence there must be sacrifice, otherwise indulgence will become dominant and eventually corrupt into greed, like it does today. That seems to be a major theme in the Universe, balance. Ying and Yang, another aspect of Eastern Philsophy that resonates very deeply within me.
I believe that we all have our own paths to follow, but the choices we make will come back and either hinder or help us. However the problem is being able to make the right choice. How do you determine Quality? Are there criteria to follow, logical math sheets to add up and evaluate? I think that this is an internal thing, that that voice that tells you you shouldn't do something is probably right. Sometimes it benefits us to trust our gut while keeping in mind the goals you want to achieve. In the end value choices are a very personal thing, and part of what makes society so incredible. We have such a dynamic network of complexity that we are capable of great, wonderful things. We just have to believe in ourselves and the people around us. Then we will know what to.
I apologize for the amazon links, I'd eventually like to be able to write for a living which seems to require money, unfortunately. Also, I really think everybody should read these books. I found a large shard of true perception in his writing, and I think others can as well. The Zen and the art book is quite intimidating but his second one, Lila, is more easily digested, and I believe more influential. The problem is that the concepts of the first one are critical to understanding the ideas in Lila. Quality is the prime example, and it's something that's hard to summarize. How do you define quality? There is no definition for quality because it's all relative to the eye of the beholder, to the perception of the individual. This is also why there is such an onus on the individual to make the right value choice as all of our actions effect change in others around us, which in turn effect change in the ones around them. Karma waves ripple across the network, butterflies flap their wings and torandos demolish houses.
Or is it all just chance? Do peoples houses get flattened because they made poor choices? See here's where it breaks down. Does the possibility for a shitty, terrible life exist even if all the right choices are made? I guess it does, and that's a part of life too. Shitty things happen to good people, and it shouldn't, but it does. I believe if you treat it as a test of your moral fortitude then perhaps you will be rewarded by emerging in a more favourable environment the next time. Is that wishful thinking? I don't know, but it does seem to balance out. If the universe is about balance then that probably means my next life is going to be a real unpleasant one (assuming, of course, that I'll have another one, and that reincarnation isn't a crock of shit).
I want to take the time again to tell all you guys how much I appreciate these conversations we've been having over the last couple of months. I really think we're a shining example of how an online community can function well. I appreciate all of your perceptions. ;)
Sometimes I hate Kuro5hin.org, sometimes I love it. An article was about to get dumped from the edit queue (K5 is a user contributed news community) when I happened upon it. spurl.net/ has created a tool that is exactly what I've been looking for as a hardcore net junkie. You could say it's an advanced bookmarking service, but in reality it will hopefully also be an archiver of the internet if it ever takes off. It's really funny because I've been contemplating developing a tool that is spookily similar to what spurl is all about. I'm definately going to have to get in touch with this guy and see if any of my ideas would help his idea out. Anyways, go to the site, sign up and start spurling.
Yeah ok, I know nobody is going to go but hey, you never know. If his project takes off it'll only boost my ego for having thought along the same lines. At the very least it would be very interesting to see what everyone else is reading.
You won't see this in the major media, but sections of Iran are revolting and throwing out the sham electoral candidates. Check it here:
Breaking News: Unrest and clashes continue in N. Iran
Let's support these freedom fighters! Link to the board, show your praise!
Nasa has scheduled a news brief about an unusual Solar Object.
Yeah. That's me. Lame. Why? Burnt out a bit. Perhaps I'm thinking too much. Perhaps I'm just lazy. I've been working pretty hard on a project for work and that's eating up a lot of time. TV's been cutting into my 'creative time' as well. Stupid TV. Turn off the brain, listen to what we say, believe what we want you to believe. I want to do more with my blog but I don't know what, I want to do more with my life but I can't make a decision. So I wait. Maybe I'm waiting for coincidences. Maybe I'm waiting for a sign. Maybe I'm waiting for the sake of waiting. Maybe I'm waiting for nothing at all. I feel like I'm in a rut, like I'm spinning my wheels too fast in the snow and going nowhere. It's a slippery time right now, these 'times of change'. The world is changing, forces seem to be realigning themselves. Freedom and Democracy are being packaged, shipped and sold at discount prices in your local Walmart. Truth is relative to the perception of the individual. There are no black and whites, everything is grey. Is that idea now becoming too simple? Are there any absolute truths anymore or is it all in the eye of the beholder? I don't know anymore. I used to think I knew all the answers but now I doubt everything I've ever thought. Not for any particular reason, just an overwhelming sense of uselessness. What can one person really do if they can't change just one other person's mind?
For me, that's where this is all coming from. If I can't change just one persons mind, what is the point of it all? Do I even have a right to do that? Do any of us? What gives any of us the right to change a persons mind about any subject at all? Isn't it a form of rape, of domination? A battle of the wills? A contest in depth of belief? Instead of a higher form of truth all that is emerging is a victor. That isn't Truth, that is someone's perception of the truth. If there are no gauges for truth then the aspiration of a higher truth becomes warfare between wills.
I can't abide by it. It doesn't seem right or fair that there is no absolute truth, and yet everything that I've read on the Internet tells me that every single one of us out there has a unique perception of the Truth and many of these perceptions are diametrically opposed to each other. Who's right then? Whoever has the stronger will, the greater belief? It's a circular loop. Truth is defined by the strongest will. The strongest will is based on the deepest belief. The deepest belief is learned from the dominating perception of the Truth. It never stops, it never starts. Yet this cycle seems closer to finding an answer then when the first homo sapiens huddled around a fire grunting the truths about the universe around them. Somehow in our endless domination of each other we've evolved societally and mentally to the point where we are today, with all our fucked up problems, with our nukes and global warming, with our religious disharmony, with our obesity and energy addictions.
If all of this truely is an experiment, if there is some god up there looking down on his children, I would surmise that he/she considers this grand experiment one great big colossal failure, a massive SNAFU of biblical proportions. I hope, I dream for humanity to remove their collective heads from their collective asses to wake up and understand the impact our lifestyle is having on our future lifestyles. The future lifestyles of our children, and their children. Many think it's too late, many don't care, many are waiting for Rapture to wisk them away to a fantasyland heaven and out of the hell we've created. Sitting around on computers debating it endlessly isn't going to solve the world's problems, but then what should we do? How do we stop this massively destructive, endlessly polluting, and terrifyingly brutal world from continuing on it's ravaging course? I just don't know. I don't know what to do. And so I wait. Maybe I'm waiting for coincidences. Maybe I'm waiting for a sign. Maybe I'm waiting for the sake of waiting. Maybe I'm waiting for nothing at all.
This idea is only going to get better and better with time: Radio Vox Populi. Really, the only way to explain it is to just check it out. It's a little rough around the edges but like I said, it'll just get better.
Here's my foray into the art of meta-blogging. I found motime linking to me in my referral logs today, and at first I wasn't overly impressed. Yet another blogging company, I thought. Looking a little deeper though I found a nice little newbie service for blogging. I figure this is a good thing because we do need more people blogging. I know a lot of people think there's too many blogging out there as it is but I figure that when this phenomenon takes off - and I believe it will - there will be fundamental shifts in the global consciousness. As you may or may not know I am a firm believer in a global consciousness. I believe that if complexity leads to consciousness, then increasing that complexity leads to increased consciousness.
But then what is consciousness?
I've started to read an interesting "Research Paper Abstract" by a Mr. Chris King entitled Fractal Neurodyamics and Quantum Chaos : Resolving the Mind-Brain Paradox Through Novel Biophysics. This paper (courtesy of Wally) was written in 1996 and although it is extremely technical and I barely understand it, there are parts coming through that resonate with some of the things I've been saying. In particular this stood out (emphasis added):
Complexity is the root of consciousness. All else is just levels.
Good news for any of my fellow Canadians that want seamless Wi-Fi access because it looks like the major wireless carriers have agreed on common standards for roaming and interoperability. What this means is that anybody signing up for any of those carriers will be able to use any hotspot that's available. Ubiquitous wireless internet! Of course this lends weight back to the purchae of a Laptop as discussed in my previous entry, because the thought of accessing broadband internet anywhere I go is positively titilating. I am, after all, an unadulterated self confirmed Net Junky.
Still, it's good to see that the national carriers were able to come to an equitable agreement so quickly. Wi-Fi and other high speed wireless services will be The Next Big Thing because just like the original phone, it's much better when there's no wires attached. We can only hope that the rollout of this service will be trouble free and not prohibitively expensive. Make no mistake, Canadians are notoriously cheap.
I bought my current computer in January of 1999. The only thing I've done besides getting a new harddrive was upgrading from the Celeron 300A to a Pentium III 500 when the overclocking didn't work. Otherwise this is the same system that I hacked away at in my glory days as a Nortel Intern. It's become glaringly obvious that it's time for a new computer. For the last week I've been agonizing over the decision of a replacement, and I'm torn between a higher end laptop (which will be a definate performance increase) verus a virutal gaming demi-god desktop. I love video games, and this is a big decision for me, one of 'life altering' proportions. ;) If I choose the mobility of a laptop then I'm betting on my writing and 'business' orientation for the future me. If I choose the gaming demi-god then I'll feeding my addiction but at the same time using a computer that is fantastically powerful. After 4 years it will be a big step up. So I'm torn and looking for any thoughts. I never like making decisions and now the internet allows others to make decisions for me. :P