I would like to post a longer entry but it’s 4:35 and I’m drunk, high and very tired. I’ve gambled my fedora on a fellow named Chevy’s ability to recover his leather cap that went missing. I love my hat but I have faith that his will be returned, but if it doesn’t I will give up mine in exchange (he seemed to like it). I met a lot of interesting women tonight. They seemed interested in my idea of handing over the torch of power to the female half of humanity, and yet they weren’t attracted to a completely passive, non-manly man. In my opinion that kind of male is what it’s going to take for us to live in relative harmony with the rest of the world, and yet they weren’t satisfied with that passive idealistic, non-agressive male. I guess what it comes down to is we have a job to perform as protectors and if they didn’t feel that duty is being fulfilled they aren’t interested in furthering that relationship. I say however that we as the dominant male species have to give it all up or none at all, so it becomes an interesting dilemma of sacrifice. Who’s willing to give up what in order to save humanity.
I was at a great party and I met a lot of people. As a great believer in communication I spent the majority of the party talking to different people. I enjoy my job as an ambassador of dynamic quality but it can be taxing and overwhelming as well. When you enter a room and everybody is searching for common ground, providing that focus can be a strenuous and involving commitment of self. Alcohol and drugs are my social lubricant so somehow I survive. If only the weed didn’t interfere with the natural selection process. I find myself unable to speak at any depth to the people I’m most interested in speaking to, and end up talking of frivolties and not important ‘relationship’ topics. I suppose it’s my fear of public displays, somehow the dirty secret of my lack of experience will become a mocking conversation and I can only retreat in embarassment. So hesitiation and fear are my biggest obstacles, and yet I would be most comfortable confronting thorny ‘relationship issues’ in a private, one on one domain. But that’s just me.
Wow, that was as close to a pure brain core dump as I’ve ever acheived. It probably doesn’t make any sense whatsoever but I’m tired and my bed, ooooh it calls.