Yeah. That’s me. Lame. Why? Burnt out a bit. Perhaps I’m thinking too much. Perhaps I’m just lazy. I’ve been working pretty hard on a project for work and that’s eating up a lot of time. TV’s been cutting into my ‘creative time’ as well. Stupid TV. Turn off the brain, listen to what we say, believe what we want you to believe. I want to do more with my blog but I don’t know what, I want to do more with my life but I can’t make a decision. So I wait. Maybe I’m waiting for coincidences. Maybe I’m waiting for a sign. Maybe I’m waiting for the sake of waiting. Maybe I’m waiting for nothing at all. I feel like I’m in a rut, like I’m spinning my wheels too fast in the snow and going nowhere. It’s a slippery time right now, these ‘times of change’. The world is changing, forces seem to be realigning themselves. Freedom and Democracy are being packaged, shipped and sold at discount prices in your local Walmart. Truth is relative to the perception of the individual. There are no black and whites, everything is grey. Is that idea now becoming too simple? Are there any absolute truths anymore or is it all in the eye of the beholder? I don’t know anymore. I used to think I knew all the answers but now I doubt everything I’ve ever thought. Not for any particular reason, just an overwhelming sense of uselessness. What can one person really do if they can’t change just one other person’s mind?
For me, that’s where this is all coming from. If I can’t change just one persons mind, what is the point of it all? Do I even have a right to do that? Do any of us? What gives any of us the right to change a persons mind about any subject at all? Isn’t it a form of rape, of domination? A battle of the wills? A contest in depth of belief? Instead of a higher form of truth all that is emerging is a victor. That isn’t Truth, that is someone’s perception of the truth. If there are no gauges for truth then the aspiration of a higher truth becomes warfare between wills.
I can’t abide by it. It doesn’t seem right or fair that there is no absolute truth, and yet everything that I’ve read on the Internet tells me that every single one of us out there has a unique perception of the Truth and many of these perceptions are diametrically opposed to each other. Who’s right then? Whoever has the stronger will, the greater belief? It’s a circular loop. Truth is defined by the strongest will. The strongest will is based on the deepest belief. The deepest belief is learned from the dominating perception of the Truth. It never stops, it never starts. Yet this cycle seems closer to finding an answer then when the first homo sapiens huddled around a fire grunting the truths about the universe around them. Somehow in our endless domination of each other we’ve evolved societally and mentally to the point where we are today, with all our fucked up problems, with our nukes and global warming, with our religious disharmony, with our obesity and energy addictions.
If all of this truely is an experiment, if there is some god up there looking down on his children, I would surmise that he/she considers this grand experiment one great big colossal failure, a massive SNAFU of biblical proportions. I hope, I dream for humanity to remove their collective heads from their collective asses to wake up and understand the impact our lifestyle is having on our future lifestyles. The future lifestyles of our children, and their children. Many think it’s too late, many don’t care, many are waiting for Rapture to wisk them away to a fantasyland heaven and out of the hell we’ve created. Sitting around on computers debating it endlessly isn’t going to solve the world’s problems, but then what should we do? How do we stop this massively destructive, endlessly polluting, and terrifyingly brutal world from continuing on it’s ravaging course? I just don’t know. I don’t know what to do. And so I wait. Maybe I’m waiting for coincidences. Maybe I’m waiting for a sign. Maybe I’m waiting for the sake of waiting. Maybe I’m waiting for nothing at all.