I’ve always wanted to write a blog, although I’ve never really read them too much. I’m thwarted however by something that’s become more and more infrequent but subsequently more and more annoying – loss of internet. So here I am, stuck using the only writing program that does what I want but I hate to use. I tried ultra edit but I couldn’t figure out how to set the word wrap. Too many options I guess. What it really came down to was that I didn’t have a single program that’s designed specifically for writing in html, the language of the web In so many ways. I’m not very good at formatting my style though. This is something I wish I could excel at yet find myself not being able to. It’s a difficult task that is really under-appreciated. I wish all of us technical guys could pull our asses out of our heads and recognize that the art that goes into web-design should not be something slighted because it’s less ‘cerebral’, especially financially.

I wonder how many small companies there are where it’s just a couple of guys hosting and designing webpages. (On a side note – I can’t believe MS Word 2002 didn’t recognize ‘webpages’ as a proper word. Maybe they’re trying to phase out webpages and replace it with some a more MS-centric one like ‘coffers’.) Web hosting is what I do, of course. It’s a good job and it allows me the opportunity to read a lot of stuff out there on the internet. Doing this without the internet is harder than I thought though; it’s surprising just how often having the ability to look up any fact or literary reference can come into handy if you spend a lot of your time thinking. Did I mention that? I like to think. Sometimes a lot unfortunately for me. It’s becoming rather like a curse to be truthful. This is my experience anyways. It’s quite addictive however, and I don’t think I’ll be able to pull out even to save myself. What do I think about? I think about a lot of things.
I think about the end of the world. I think about how it can be averted. I think about love and about opportunities, past and forthcoming. I think about the planet and how we live here. I think about hatred and how deeply it burns. I think about hunger and poverty and how much there is. I think about individuality and how unique everyone can be. I think about the internet and how wonderfully the emergence of civilization in a civil arena will shape the world. I think about Artificially Intelligent computers and the incredible possibilities that lie therein. I think about energy and the universe and how we’re all connected, as cheesy as that may seem.
I do think about these things, but whether or not I’ve gotten the right answers, well I highly doubt that. But at least I’m thinking, you know? Thinking. Now there’s a rare and wonderful gift. Granted to us lucky humans by the dice of chance, by the randomly determined rules that define our universe. It is such a rare and wonderful gift. This is fundamentally why I’m so fascinated by the stars. I keep looking out there, at all those points of light, all so very much like our own yet at the same time so very different. I told my uncle once that if it was a billion to one odds that we wound up in a galaxy that was stable and a billion to one odds that we orbit a star that is relatively benign and a billion to one odds that we inhabit a planet that can support life as we know it then haven’t we all already won the lottery? Isn’t every moment we exist on earth a rare and exciting royal flush in a grand game of poker? He thought it was a pretty good outlook on life and so I. That’s why I cherish every moment. Every experience is a new and exciting one with so many paths and opportunities if people just look with eyes wide open.
That privilege to sit here and think however is not one shared by the majority of the people on the planet. I am afforded this opportunity because I live in a good country and have good parents. The problem I see however is that this world is becoming polarized. The people who have aren’t willing to share with the people who haven’t unfortunately. I suppose there’s a lot of people who do want to, but really have no idea about the how. This is unfortunately my problem as well so I am forced to believe that by telling the rest of the world my dilemma I can expect some excellent suggestions.
I really wish my internet was working. I have to say that I am a complete addict of WSA and not having a connection is literally giving me the jitters. Well ok, I’m actually a very jittery person or at least my legs are – they sometimes seem to have a mind of their own. It can be quite distracting like it is right now, and also very annoying to others. However I believe in my natural state my legs should be jumping up and down like asynchronous pistons. So Web Space Conquerors of the Divine as my co-worker likes to call it is a great game. My personal philosophy is why conquer the world when I can conquer the galaxy? Why go on a bloody rampage when I can slaughter highly trained marines in a virtual environment? Not that I fantasize about those kinds of scenarios, however whether or not that’s because I play games so much that I never have those impulses is another question altogether. I’ve always felt that video games reduce violent impulses in men. I think that there is a natural instinctive violence in males that’s a manifestation of survival of the fittest in a hostile environment. Nature is a hard force and demands that only the best survive. That’s why we’ve tried to conquer nature over the years… Not everyone in the world is the best yet there’s been unifying social movement to allow the survival of everyone. Sometimes this is forgotten though, or maybe it always is. It’s hard to envision the absolute scope of human history against the twenty five years that I’ve been alive although I do try.
One of my problems is that I don’t really know when to stop. One the things I’ve been doing in life recently is engaging in conversation with other video gamers who have one thing in common: The Great Milenko. It’s really hard to describe to someone who doesn’t play video games what exactly it’s all about but I shall endeavour to do so anyways. First the facts: TGM has been playing a copy of the Soldier Of Fortune 2 Demo, a first person shooter game for well over a year now. When the demo was released way back when there were literally thousands of people playing on hundreds of different serves yet TGM stood above the rest. It’s strange to describe the social behaviour of gamers and their servers because so many people who have no idea about this (or don’t care) probably don’t realize how social and communicative it is. Typically you get about 30 or so players on a server and they all have the ability to chat with everyone or chat with their team. The goal of the game is different depending on what team you’re on. The red team has to defend the briefcase and the blue team has to retrieve it in 3 minutes. This same sequence of events happens over and over, time and time again, same level after same level. TGM was 24×7 at the time of the release and it distinguished itself with low pings, good players and eventually good admins. At least I’d like to think so, as I was one of them. 😉 What’s an admin you say? A referee, a diplomat, a judge and a lawyer. Bad behaviour and cheating are unfortunately rampant in the video game world. A lot of people defend cheating on the basis of just having fun but I always view it as cheap and insulting when the game is taken seriously. Not all games are so heavy, don’t get me wrong. The thing is there is skill involved, and when there’s skill there’s always competition. That’s one of the great things about humanity is that by competing against each other we strive to better ourselves. If only it didn’t matter in which path we choose to advance the self, if only we were allowed to each find our own purpose. Ah but that is just a dream, sadly.
The real piece de resistance is the forum. With video gamers from around the world playing with each other constantly day in and day out it provided an excellent amphitheatre for all of us to discuss our opinions on everyday events as well as to air our grievances over other players. What better ground to voice your concerns then with friends that you’ll never meet? Ah but enough about the great milenko, that’s probably not very interesting to most people.
I do think that people are concerned with the direction the world is going though. There are a lot shitty things in the world despite what your cynicism is telling you, and believe it or not it will make a difference in your life. The whole butterfly in Tokyo causing a hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico is no less true today just because people don’t talk about it anymore. Every single decision we make has ramifications that echo throughout the world. The whole ‘I’m just one person, what can I do about it’ mentality is completely misleading – everything you are doing is affecting the world is small ways that add up to all ways when you’re talking about everybody. We have to make the right choices though, that’s the important part. We can’t just think of ourselves anymore; that mode of thought is completely outdated. There are just too many people in the world suffering by our selfish and greedy actions to ignore without consequences. I want to have a safe world where my children can be born and grow up to experience as much of life as they can. It just won’t be safe with the direction we’re going.
One of the things that really does scare me is the thought of global disaster. If that happens it’s not just about our children, it’s about everyone’s children. And it is a possibility. A lot of people will call me paranoid but there’s some alleged facts that really do scare me: This ‘super volcano’ is supposedly on a cycle of 600,000 years between eruptions, and it’s been 640,000 since its last. The article is quite alarmist but perhaps that’s because we’re looking a scary situation. A ticking time bomb that we will go off not if but when. Global devastation the likes haven’t been seen in 74,000 years. I can imagine what our society would look like if we stay our current course and this event occurs. Madness, pure and simple madness. 6,000 years of societal progress down the drain, great works of art and music forgotten for all time, literature never to be read again. I don’t want this to happen, and yet I’m forced to consider the fact that it probably will happen unless we can do something about it now. Therein lies my one hope – all of those Hollywood blockbusters can’t be wrong. Could humanity band together in a time of great need to overcome a threat to everyone’s existence? I’ve always figured the world would unite as one if we came into contact with aliens, but perhaps all we need is a threat from our very own planet to make us overcome our barbarous legacy. See this thing, this event, well I’m pretty damn sure it will happen if we don’t do something about it. We need to start investigating it now though to learn more of the details. If we had more people working on it then we could probably get a better picture of when it will happen so we can start to formulate some plans. I may be a reactionist but I think that this is something positive to react against.
Anyways, I’m going to save this and try and salvage my internet connection. The sad part is that if I had only not rebooted my linux firewall, I would have been surfing hours ago. (It seems MS Office 2002 does not recognize ‘linux’ as a proper word either – interesting.) Not that there’s anything wrong with linux, but I don’t really have mine set up properly. I think it’s time to retire my current model and try something new. I’m thinking smoothwall, because it’s working pretty good at my office.
I guess that’s it then. Quite a rant, all over the place as usual. Too many ideas to talk about I guess.