I am certainly no Don Juan, but I pride myself on my ability to chat up the ladies. Of course it never leads anywhere but at the same time I always enjoy the conversations. There was one however that struck me deep to the bone but unfortunately it was not meant to be…..
I am constantly late for work. I’m pretty sure that some people are just genetically incapable of going to bed before a certain time, and for me that time is somewhere around 2:30AM. This unfortunately leads me to a state of near perfect tardiness. I’m slowly making changes in this department but nonetheless the call of the night is seductive and sweet, and very hard to ignore.
It was a couple of months ago that I noticed this girl checking me out on the bus. It always seemed to me that I would catch her looking at me and she would catch me looking at her. I remember this one point where it was just the two of us at our transfer point and although neither of us said anything, we were both thinking about each other. I lit a cigarette and she followed suit. Communication without words – we’re talking pure body language. Maybe that’s the way it should have stayed but I digress.
So over the next few days I desperately tried to think of some opening line, some witty remark that could start a conversation. Nothing came to mind in this case (my ability to chat the ladies only seems to happen in dark bars after a few drinks), and the agony was driving me nuts. I remember very clearly stepping off the bus but giving her a big smile, and when she smiled back I knew there was something there. We’re not talking about a tight lipped who-the-hell-is-this-guy grin, we’re talking about a glorious smile, a smile that could light up a room. I knew the next time I saw her I’d talk to her.
Later the next night after having a wicked time with some friends at a show, I was driving home at around 1:30am when I came to a stop light at grant and kenaston. As I was approaching I saw a figure at the bus stop and I knew – I knew it was her. And it was. It’s a good thing it was a long light otherwise I would never have worked up the courage to offer her a ride. She accepted and we proceeded to have a fantastic conversation, a truely inspiring opening of the floodgates. There was no nervousness, no hesitation, we were both so in synch with each other that it blew my mind. We drove to a park and had a nightcap bowl and talked about the universe and the nature of life. For me, I felt right away that I could probably die in this girl’s arms. It just felt right on so many levels. However I believe that confidence was my downfall, that led to where I am right now, bitter and depressed and wondering if there is any hope for me.
So we planned to meet at a Canada Day rave/party, and we did, and we talked, but she seemed distant. She asked for my number and I gave it (perhaps too energetically). I talked to her a couple more times on the bus but she seemed more and more withdrawn. An email exchange or two and she informs me that this guy she’s been hanging out with is actually someone she’s seeing. They were planning to go to the Burning Man festival together.
Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not some stalker type. I think too much for sure but I don’t put pressure, I don’t follow people around. I guess I didn’t keep cards my close enough to my chest, but whatever the case may be she broke off contact.
So I saw her today, on the bus, a couple of months later. It brought back all of those emotions and hopes that I had unfairly pinned on her. The thing is though, the thing that really hurt was that she didn’t acknowledge my existence. She just walked on by. Ouch did that hurt. Sort of gave the day some crappy overtones which I threw at The Kitty. Ah well he can handle it. Nonetheless I felt like shit all day and I just felt like ranting about it here. Maybe it’ll be like a catharsis… Who knows. I’d like to get her out of my head. She really did a number on me. To paraphrase Kelso from that 70’s show – “If they didn’t have such soft skin, sexy lips, deep eyes, curvacious chest and hips I’d have nothing to do with them.”